In case you don’t know this about me, Dignity is one of my “words.”
I am relentless when it comes to protecting my Dignity.
Why?
Because it took me a long time to get it back.
And without Dignity, there’s not much left of a woman.
What is Dignity, exactly?
First of all, let me tell you what Dignity is NOT, because people tend to get this wrong.
Dignity is not a virtue.
Dignity is not a character trait.
Dignity is not about earning or deserving respect from other people.
Dignity is not about defending your honor.
Dignity is something you were born with.
Dignity is the essence of who you are.
Dignity is the indisputable universal law that you are worthy, you are enough, and you matter simply because you are a human being.
(You are human, right?)
There’s nothing you have to do in order to prove your worth.
There’s no one who can determine whether you are enough.
There’s nothing you can accomplish that will make you matter more to the Universe than you already do.
Period.
But here’s the thing: While we were all born with Dignity, we also lose it as a rite of passage. And here’s the kicker: we lose it before we have a fully-functioning pre-frontal cortex – a thinking brain – that is capable of protecting our Dignity.
In other words, you lose your Dignity before you even have a chance to know what it is, or that it’s even gone missing.
You just have this “feeling” that seems to stay with you throughout your childhood and then into adulthood and sometimes until the day you die. The feeling comes from an old poisonous belief that you’re “just not good enough.”
You have a belief that you don’t measure up.
No matter what I do, I screw it up.
No matter how much I try, they’re never satisfied.
There must be something wrong with me.
I can’t seem to please anyone.
It’s never enough.
I’m never enough.
What does it matter?
I give up.
These thoughts are clues that you haven’t yet reclaimed your Dignity. You still believe the thoughts in your head, the ones that were imprinted on you when you were young and vulnerable and impressionable and didn’t have the brain power to challenge other people’s opinions, rules, and expectations.
But you’re now playing with a “full deck” so to speak.
You know how to think for yourself.
You’re able to use logic and reason to come to the realization that you have no one’s expectations to live up to but yours.
You see, losing your Dignity is a lot like losing your teeth, except that unlike your teeth, your Dignity doesn’t automatically come back. It’s your job to reclaim it and never again let it go.
When you do “The Dignified Thing” you are showing respect to your Self, no matter if anyone else thinks you’re not deserving of respect.
You don’t talk mean to yourself because it’s just plain rude and you don’t talk that way to anyone because you are well-mannered, especially when it comes to your own Self care.
You don’t talk down to your body or put it on punishing diets because you appreciate all that it does for you.
You dignify your Self at the highest level.
Reclaiming your Dignity takes some practice… a conscious effort to tune in to how YOU are making YOU feel. (I know you’d like to blame someone else but that wouldn’t be The Dignified Thing to do. You are always responsible for how you feel.)
You eat with Dignity, which means when you decide to eat a cookie you don’t follow it up with a side of guilt.
When you weigh yourself, you step on the scale because you want to know the number, not beat yourself up over it.
When someone does something inappropriate, you speak UP.
You maintain control of your mind.
Choosing to do The Dignified Thing means there’s no second-guessing your decisions. There’s no resentment. No frustration. No guilt. No beating yourself up.
Yes, you may falter (I do it all the time) but you get back UP.
Whenever you’re unsure about what to do (eat the cookie, don’t eat the cookie; take the job, don’t take the job), ask yourself this: “Which option will make me feel dignified?”
This is how we practice The NEW Self Care.
Have you read my books?
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