It’s official: I’ve become a bit of a rebel when it comes to the mainstream self care model.
You know, the do-this-and-you’ll-feel-so-much-better kind of self care? The kind we were all taught was “good for us.”
I don’t know about you but I’m very much sick and exhausted of being told to put myself at the top of my to-do list. It hurts my ears.
Oh, and how about this one…
“Put the oxygen mask on yourself first.”
We’ve all heard that last one a million times, right? “Just put the oxygen mask on yourself first.” (The italics indicate an annoyingly whiny voice to emphasize my extremely high level of sick-and-tiredness.)
It’s enough to send a woman straight to the pantry for a package of Twizzlers, a bag of Doritos, a sleeve of Oreos, another sleeve of Oreos, more Doritos to counteract the sugar hit, and a Diet Coke chaser. You know, that kind of self care. The passive aggressive kind where you’re actually giving self care the finger.
The Oxygen Mask Myth of Self Care
I blame my sick-and-exhausted-ness on what I call the Oxygen Mask Myth of Self Care because no matter how logical and reasonable it sounds (of course we need to take better care of ourselves – as if we don’t already know that?), we still don’t put ourselves first. (Not really.) And now we’ve become deaf to the message. Hence the Doritos and Oreos.
What does it mean to put yourself first? Do you know how to answer that? And what’s supposed to happen when you accomplish such a feat?
Are we putting ourselves first when we say NO?
Are we putting ourselves first when we demand more “me time”?
Are we putting ourselves first when we end a toxic relationship?
Are we putting ourselves first when we kick back in a hammock and read a book?
Maybe.
But it’s a big maybe. More like this…
MAYBE.
Why only maybe? Because while doing those things may bring a respite from the day-to-day slog of our lives, they don’t bring us every-lasting peace (and by everlasting I mean, most of the time). We hope that if we do the things we’re told are supposed to make us feel better, we actually will feel better for longer than it takes to eat a sandwich.
It’s what I call self care from the outside in.
I was once all about self care from the outside in. Frankly, it was all I knew. But, as always happens when we turn that corner called Forty, I started asking myself deeper questions, like, What the holy hell f@$#$^&%k?
Here’s what I eventually figured out: There’s a big difference between putting icing on a cake and putting icing on jellied moose nose (gag gag gag).
Since that was a metaphor I want to be clear that there were times when I was treating myself more like jellied moose nose because, quite frankly, I hadn’t even baked my cake. (Stay with me, this will all make sense soon, I hope.)
Entrepreneurship is Gutsy Self Care Jacked on Steroids
This new and improved self care model is the kind that transforms us into the version of ourselves that will get us everything we want in every aspect of our lives.
It’s a tall order.
Hence the requisite guts.
Maybe it sounds crazy but becoming your own boss can be the best way to ever practice self care because it requires you to change who you are on the inside… or go out of business.
Show me a new pair of shoes that can do that!
When we challenge ourselves to do things we haven’t yet been able to do, we have an opportunity to rise up, and that requires a whole new way of being you. (This is the part where you bake yourself into a cake.)
It’s self care with a purpose.
If your goal is to feel happy and whole in your life, what will challenge you to become the kind of woman who goes after that feeling with the stubbornness of a hungry dog on a t-bone?
Perhaps it’s to build a business.
Perhaps it’s to write a book.
Perhaps it’s to write a book that builds your business.
Whatever “it” is, expect it to come with at least one giant AFGO. An AFGO is Another Freakin’ Growth Opportunity, with the key word being growth. AFGOs, if we allow ourselves to experience them, take us to a whole new level of self care that has been missing for so many women. You don’t get that kind of self care from a mani-pedi. Or a trip to Cabo. Or a handbag, no matter how luxurious it is.
Of course, becoming a business woman isn’t the only way to practice Gutsy Self Care but it’s the one I know best.
So, how does one become the kind of woman who builds a business that makes her money AND makes her feel happy and fulfilled in the process?
Believe it or not, it starts with a book…
