Did you even know it’s possible to “gaslight” yourself?
Gaslighting occurs when someone says or does something that causes us to question our very own reality, if not our sanity.
“Are you sure you’re ok, you seem mentally unstable.”
“Calm down. You’re being irrational.”
“You’re so emotional.”
“Oh, what now, are you gonna cry?”
“You’re the only one I know who behaves this way.”
“I don’t care about your f*ing feelings.”
These are the kinds of things gaslighters say that can make us think we’re going a little cuckoo.
What can make us feel even more cuckoo is when we gaslight ourselves by repeating the offensive comments over and over and over again in our minds.
It makes it difficult to maintain our equanimity, which is our one true source of power.
Gaslighting creates what’s known as “cognitive dissonance,” which is when we try to reconcile two opposing realities, one that we thought was ours, and the other as told to us by someone with cruel intentions.
Gaslighting also creates what psychologists call “betrayal trauma” and it’s a very scary place in which to find yourself. Betrayal trauma occurs when someone we are close to says or does things that are by anyone’s standards downright mean.
I’m working with a client who say she feels like she’s losing her mind and it’s affecting other relationships in her life. We are focused on getting her to take back her one true source of power – the ability to manage her mind.
If you’re experiencing betrayal trauma in any form, the first thing you must realize is that you have lost control of your mind. It’s an important distinction.
Managing your mind is the single-most important skill you can ever learn when it comes to managing your emotions and your whole life for that matter.
Without the ability to manage your mind, you create more trauma on top of the original trauma.
In effect, you betray yourself.
The process of unlearning the way your mind wants to think requires reclaiming your Dignity… something you were born with and then lost (almost as a rite of passage) when you were a little girl who suddenly started doubting her worth.
Yes, the process of unlearning can be difficult and painful, especially when we focus on our pain instead of stepping back into our Dignity and taking care of our emotional wounds.
Learning to hold ourselves at the center of our lives can be like trying to write with the other hand.
Take time to do “the dignified thing,” which is to sit with the part of you that is wounded. Allow the wise woman in you to emerge so that she can comfort you. Over time, you will rise UP.
This is how we Woman UP.
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